


Too hard on yourself.

by Askedicio



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Game of Thrones-esque, GoT, I need more wine, I'm not here to talk about Balconies, Loras - Freeform, M/M, No idea what I am supposed to tag, Renly - Freeform, Stagsden, Stormlands - Freeform, Storms End, renly and loras, squire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4348181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askedicio/pseuds/Askedicio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s me, Loras. I need to talk to you.” From Loras' voice Renly gathered that he too was upset. Renly opened the door slowly and tried to turn with it hoping he may have as much time as possible before Loras knows he’s cried again. Renly walked with Loras to the Balcony and was greeted by the vicious winds coming from the narrow sea. </p><p>“Only Balcony in the castle—side from the few parts of the walls the guards can still patrol.” Nervously murmured Loras his long golden hair billowing—clearly not made for rough wind.<br/>Renly laughed, his lively smile from cheek to cheek, bristling his almost beard against his nose and laughing “we’re not here to talk about balconies are we?”</p><p>“We can if you want, Ren, but I’d rather talk about this morning, in Stagsden” Loras blurted, forward as ever. If there’s one thing the knight lacked it was subtlety.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too hard on yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly the first fanfiction I have ever wrote- I'm new here. Also I am still learning how to speak English, I'm not trying to make excuses promise ha. Any comments or critisims are welcome.
> 
> I wrote about Renly because I really liked and related to the character.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!  
> (If I get 50 hits I'll write more, or 5 kudos- I might also write more I f I have too much spare time)

The corpses were carried through the gate on a solemn march and piled by the sept. For a moment silence fell, forges ran cold, cows grazed in their pens unattended, Inns that would be hustle-and-bustle, now, empty and silent. The local townsfolk of Stagsden glared at the bodies wheeled in like meat and fish, searching for brothers or sons or husbands.  Renly stood, cloaked in his noble colours- green and gold, eyes of deepest blue now seeming to water like the seas they emulate, staring down at the muddy and earthen ground he was utterly unaccustomed to and wincing at the cries of his people who had lost their own. _I sent them here,_ he thought, _this is my fault._ He turned; he could no longer look. Instead he looked towards the mismatched homes of his people, sunken timber and cracked glass, shielded by the massive stone curtain of his castle, their rooves made golden by the amber rays of the newly-set sun when a hand crept to his shoulder.

“Lord Renly, the people look to you. Be their strength” The voice was of golden-haired Loras Tyrell, Renly’s squire, closest confidante and dearest friend among other things. The words pierced into Renly’s hidden thoughts, _He’s right._

“These soldiers, their honour and bravery cannot be done justice, they have given their lives in service to Storm’s end and all of you, I look to them and weep as we must all. I’m sorry I must go, I leave the service with the Septon” said Renly swallowing the tears which now seemed to choke him. And with that, Renly left with his guards and Loras. He walked through the cobbled streets, his dark hair tussling in the wind; his thoughts beginning to turn. _I should have listened to Ser Cortnay… The new levies didn’t stand a chance against such men._ Thought Renly, now looking at the large imposing stone drum tower, which steals the horizon with its long running rough, grey curtain wall that circles around the town. _Why did I listen to Raff, he’d been a solidier in my army less than a year and I let him lead men on the patrol, men just been recruited from the town- who had never seen swords before they entered my garrison._ It seemed the longest walk Renly had ever had, though he made this one often- from his castle Storm’s End to the town square in Stagsden. The ugly stone doors were threw open and its guardians bade their Liege Lord enter with his entourage. The interior of storms End would be considered sombre and solemn in comparison to the pleasure palaces of Dorne, but these were hallowed walls- where the men of Renlys family, the house Baratheon, had held power for Centuries. They were to each of his family different however, for some a place to grow their domain and prestige- for others a place to praise the gods and be pious. For Renly this was a place of peace, of quiet. Of contemplation… A place he needed now more than ever.

Following the tattered brown-ish carpet laid on the uneven hard stone floor Renly came to the stairs and one by one he made his ascent bidding his companions leave. Finally he approached his Chambers in the upper castle sighing relief as he threw open the doors to familiarity and home. A single flicker of light from a dying candle, most likely lit by a maid when Renly struck out to wait the return of the patrol, danced about the almost cavernous room which consisted of one larger chamber which had a bronze fireplace with plush comfy chairs and a dining table within and a second smaller chamber which housed Lord Renly’s four poster bed that sported his colours and the door to his balcony. As if this were routine, Renly walked to his window and peered over shipbreaker bay, something he usually does when troubled. _Raff, Jon, Erick…_ Renly pleaded with himself to remember their names. _They died in service to me, they died for my mistakes._ Renly was no longer supressing his tears; they dropped to the ground like fresh fallen snow.

A knock echoed through Renly’s chambers which caused him to involuntarily lift his head from his window and the deep blue stretch beyond to saunter to the splintered oaken door. “Who is it?” asked Renly—knowing full well it would likely be the 16 year old squire, Loras.

“It’s me, Loras. I need to talk to you.” From Loras voice Renly gathered that he too was upset. Renly opened the door slowly and tried to turn with it hoping he may have as much time as possible before Loras knows he’s cried again. Renly walked with Loras to the Balcony and was greeted by the vicious winds coming from the narrow sea.

“Only Balcony in the castle—side from the few parts of the walls the guards can still patrol.” Nervously murmured Loras his long golden hair billowing—clearly not made for rough wind.

Renly laughed, his lively smile from cheek to cheek, bristling his almost beard against his nose and laughing “we’re not here to talk about balconies are we?”

“We can if you want, Ren, but I’d rather talk about this morning, in Stagsden” Loras blurted, forward as ever. If there’s one thing the knight lacked it was subtlety.

Renly leant on the thick stone walls the coarse texture distracting him from the feeling of tears dripping down his face, “Oh yeah—that” Renly wiped the tears from his face, his black and green robe sleeve now thoroughly damp. “Those men, some weren’t even men- boys of fifteen sixteen signed onto serve me, they needed- no they deserved my protection. How could I let this happen?”

“You couldn’t have known Renly, and Raff always gets what he wants when he puts his mind to it.”

“He didn’t want to die.” Renly said, now staring down at the few shipwrecks you can still see along the bay, _so much death,_ “I should’ve known, Cortnay told me that the woods are havens of bandits and I let Levies patrol those roads.”

“ Ren-“

“No. How can I ever hope to be what these people need, when I make foolish mistakes like this and people die?!” Renly face now only showed hid pain.

“Renly, you’re being way too hard on yourself. You may be the Lord of the Stormlands and the king’s brother and whatever else- but like it or not we are all human: we make mistakes. I know why you sent them to patrol that road and so do their families. You knew that the roads weren’t safe and any merchants or travellers or refugees passing by would be slaughtered, you tried to stop that. You are a good man Renly” shouted Loras, trying to not to cry as he saw the man that meant so much to him go through such anguish.

“I don’t quite know if I am anymore” Renly whispered.

“Would I fall in love with a bad man?” Loras’ hands cupped Renly cheek and he moved closer staring into the 19 year old Lords eyes.

“Heh, maybe not.” Renly and Loras shared a tender kiss as the set sun made its final plunge into the sea. “ I need some wine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for everyone who read my work! And especially for the people who sent Kudos- thanks guys! Next chapter will be up within the week but I'll try and write some short stories as well but those prolly wont centre round Renly.


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